Worth Waiting For

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002

I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman. The only experience I ever had was a nice French kiss in high school.

I'm overweight and don't see myself as being worthy of a relationship as I am. But after years of neglect and ignoring myself, I am now making changes to my health which will improve my self-image.

I am not attracted to men. If I see a woman on the street I find attractive, I see someone who might be a good person, a good friend and a good soul. With all that, I have the normal fantasies a guy has when he sees a woman.

I live in a small town with no social life but come alive when I am in a bigger city. I also find women look at me and smile, and it's an ego boost. I am considering going to an escort just to experience what I should have experienced 15 years ago.

There's a woman I talk to by e-mail who knows I'm a virgin. She mentioned she didn't see anything wrong in that and said I need to gain something I might have lost, and that's confidence. She's hinted about us, but hints can be read wrong.

I don't know if I'm asking for answers or advice, but I believe in the phrase "good things come to those who wait."

Grady

Grady, we are all on different schedules. On the unknown calendar of your life, there is much to come. You will always remember your first sexual experience, so there is no reason to link it to money.

For a woman, not having a sexual past means you don't come with unhealthy or sordid sexual baggage. Men feel embarrassed if they don't have locker room stories to tell, but there is nothing in it for a woman to be a "good time girl."

Not to be stereotypical or old-fashioned, but women want love and strong emotional ties. They want a relationship with a future. Only then comes the desire for intimacy. Love is what will make you attractive to a woman.

You already know your goal. Get yourself physically fit and pursue what attracts you with passion. If you've been fishing in too small a pool, it may be time to move to the lake. Many of the happiest people are those who once felt life had passed them by.

Tamara

Another Chapter

I'm going through a difficult time. I'm in my early 40s, and my 21-year-old son just graduated from college with honors. He is a wonderful man and my only child.

It was difficult when my husband and I took him to college four years ago. The school is quite far away, and I missed him more than words could ever express. My husband was very supportive, and eventually I came out of my funk.

Now I am back in the same place. My husband is a loving, caring man but my son is far away. Eventually I will get over this, but for now I am overwhelmingly sad.

Grace

Grace, you sound like a woman with a lot of love to give, and we live in a world where so many people need nurturing. You did such a wonderful job with your son he no longer needs you as he did when he was a child.

One woman I know raised three children of her own, and in addition raised more than 20 foster children. Each Christmas a dozen or more of her foster children come from all over the country with their families to share the holiday with her.

Perhaps giving to others will ease your sense of loss, or perhaps you will be drawn to something else. But in this world we can never think that we have walked the last mile.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Personal Strategic Planning

I have a few questions for you ---What if we as individuals adapted and utilized... Read More

Take Responsibility for Reshaping Your Life

We say we want to eat better, feel better, and look better. But in order... Read More

The Amazing Secret To Ridding Yourself Of Self Consciousness

One of the biggest challenges to developing superior communication skills is that you already have... Read More

Are You Controlling or Loving Yourself?

How often do you hear a parental voice in your head that says things like,... Read More

Top Ten Tips for Living Authentically

1. Know your purposeAre you wandering through life with little direction ? hoping that you'll... Read More

Moment of Magic

Laughter may or may not be a shock, relieved, but its' therapeutic effects are recognised... Read More

How to Coach Yourself!

Some people are not in a position to work with a coach right now. Some... Read More

Diverse Marketing Strategies for Those Living with Disabilities

Imagine yourself as the only means of financially supporting you. A little scary isn't it?... Read More

Success at Work : People Skills : Complaining

Do you know an individual at work who is a chronic complainer? Are YOU a... Read More

Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great

Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and I replaced 26 feet of... Read More

Are You Addicted to Anger?

Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used... Read More

Finding a Mentor in the 21st Century

Traditionally, mentors volunteer the wisdom of their experiences to help others who wanted to follow... Read More

Addiction to Blame

Allen consulted with me because his wife of 18 years had threatened to leave him... Read More

9 Guidelines For Spiritual Coaching

Spirituality coaching is more than creating goals and holding someone accountable. Spirituality coaching takes into... Read More

How to Give Yourself a Check Up From the Neck Up

When was the last time you did some dedicated physical exercise?Many people have realised that... Read More

Successful Implementation of Company Wide Coaching Programmes

Ten years ago I was fortunate enough to be heavily involved in the implementation of... Read More

The Top 10 BEST Things About Having a Coach

Obviously, there are many wonderful things about having a personal coach to support and encourage... Read More

Top Ways to Maximize Your Talents at Work

Are you maximizing your strengths and promoting your talents at work? If you have sharp... Read More

Developing Will Power and Self Discipline

Most people admire and respect strong individuals, who have won great success by manifesting will... Read More

The Power of Visualization

Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a... Read More

Leading Grief Groups: The Preliminaries

Preparation: If you desire advertising the group, announcements need to go to the media at... Read More

The Power of Storytelling

Each and every day as we are building our businesses, we all know the key... Read More

New Developments Make Christian Life Coaching ?The? Career Choice for Work-At-Home Professionals

I have watched for a couple years now, as my wife's career has really taken... Read More

Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too!

"Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel... Read More

What Is A Personal Trainer

Imagine stepping into the gym for the first time in your life. There are so... Read More

HR Professional in New Avtaar: HR as a Coach and Mentor

IntroductionThese days in corporate sector, everybody is talking about the role of HR professional as... Read More

Your Past and Present Hold Key to Your Future

Knowing more about who you are will give you the insight for your future goals.Where... Read More

Why Bosses Dont Get All the News

Not long ago, a friend who works in television complained that the industry has no... Read More

Do You Dither in Your Job Search?

I looked up the definition of "to dither" before writing this article. It is to... Read More

How Empathy Can Reduce Your Anger

Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled... Read More

4 Steps to Successful Goal-Setting

Successful people have always had clear, focused goals that guide them to greatness.It took Thomas... Read More

Live Healthy - Six Steps To A Healthy Life

Six steps we can take to reduce our risks for heart disease There are certain... Read More

Different New-Years Resolution - Pass-It-Forward

Every 12 months, as the New-Year rolls around, we all brag about our New-Year's Resolutions.... Read More

What Are Your Priorities?

"The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this:... Read More

Change the Words and Change the World

Excerpt From The Relationship Handbook: How to Understand and Improve Every Relationship in Your Life... Read More

The Joy of Learning!

"Part of what motivates me to write this book is a concern that we've lost... Read More

Going Beyond Life Coaching

In Corrogue the air is chill and the frost is on the ground.On these autumn... Read More

Burn-Out ...Whats Next?

If you feel the heat of burn-out, it is possible to stop the fire before... Read More

How to Adopt a Losing Attitude

We have all heard the expression, "Where your heart is?, your treasure will be also."... Read More

How Could Choosing to Not Do It All Enhance Your Impact?

How often have you heard yourself say, "I've got so many balls in the air... Read More

Choosing an Apprentice

Along the path from where you are now to millions in revenue, thousands in readers,... Read More

4 Brilliant Tips to Speed Read Faster than Ever

Many people, particularly students, would love to be able to absorb information faster. But before... Read More

THE Step to Working Smarter (Japanese Style)

Remember that Coke contest from the 80s? If you collected bottle tops that had the... Read More

Identify Your Two Rich Horses

The naked truth of person is that we are still slaves to our mind; means... Read More

The Right Coach

Who is the Best Coach For Achieving Your Goals?A friend of mine was recently at... Read More

Your Personal Treasure Chest

Sometimes it is helpful to review several of the basic components of THE ENCHANTED SELF.... Read More

After July 8, Pay This Amount

You undoubtedly go through this, too. A few times a month you gather up the... Read More

Stay Connected To WHY You Are Doing Things

"The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work." Richard... Read More

Training is Not the Same Thing as Exercising

What it takes to GROW!In almost every workshop we deliver, we try to teach the... Read More

Mid Life Crisis, Life Transitions, & Ontological Coaching

Recently I have been watching a TV show called Blowout. It is a reality show... Read More