The Truth About Emotional Intelligence

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.

Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn't seem like an option during this difficult period, particularly since his wife returned to her parental home for many months to say good-bye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their children, pay the bills, and so on. Who can forge positively into a new job-search with all that going on?

After his father-in-law passed away his wife returned home and he lost his job - as did many of his colleagues - and his wife decided she no longer wanted to remain married. What else could go wrong? OH! Of course! His father could be diagnosed with cancer: He was.

Now he is living a complete hell, with all of this turmoil, and two sweet children looking to him for stability. Is it any wonder that people are cracking under the strain?

He is all alone and he tries to be "emotionally together" but that only causes more harm than good. We (society), in our need for order and stability, don't want people with all these problems in our lives. We don't want them working in our office. They're broken!

Well, the truth is, our (society) expectations around emotional intelligence, and together, full-functioning adults, is what is breaking them.

I spent three hours with him the other night, acknowledging his horrific circumstances, his emotional turmoil, and gave him permission to embrace it all. He's not broken, he's experiencing emotional pain and it needs to be expressed, embraced, and worked through (processed.) It's not enough that he embrace it either. Community is required to surround, love, heal, and regenerate.

So, when we see hurting people, don't look at them as broken people who haven't got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

Caveat: This does not condone people remaining disempowered victims for the rest of their lives. Our role is to embrace and still to empower, leaving the "wounded one" to take responsibility for their recovery. Embrace, love, and challenge.

Lee Down is a Professional Coach, Trainer/Facilitator, Speaker, & Writer of One Man Can Human Capital Development that focuses on relationships, the key foundation to success in business and life. With more than 15 years professional experience and a thirst for truth and understanding, he focuses on the human spirit and human capacity.

Working with clients, he facilitates the breaking down of beliefs, barriers or obstacles that bring clients forward on their journey of discovery with spirit, energy, abundance, passion and purpose, integrating the mind and body experience. Working with business, he brings visionary leadership and relationship skills to the forefront that witnesses an empowered culture evolve and develop directly impacting the improvement to the bottom-line.

Angel of Comfort... The Story

I am an Angel artist and several weeks ago while listening to the late night... Read More

The Valley of Sorrow or My Life as a Well Digger

It felt like I had been run over by a freight train. I was stunned.... Read More

New Tears [about Grievng--with commentary]

New Tears [about Grieving]If it rains or shinesLittle does it matter so? Days, like tear... Read More

Signs After Suicide: The Red Butterfly

Shortly after noon, I went into Arlyn's bedroom to get a few things to take... Read More

The Look of Grief

Never, since man has walked upright, have people all over the globe had more educational... Read More

Terminal Illness- Death and Grief

No one likes to think about illness and death, when we are well, we feel... Read More

Grief

If you have ever lost someone dear to you it is likely that you can... Read More

Death, Close and Personal

I got an email recently from someone whose mother died. She knew I'd suffered the... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 1

Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people.... Read More

Trial by Fire - 9 Tips for Grieving Couples

You will often hear that grief and loss bring couples together, but it can actually... Read More

Dying? Not Me! Why You Should Plan for Transition

Remember the Eulogy projects we had to write back in High School? Death is a... Read More

Coping with Grief - Its Called Living Through It

"Dad, I tried to wake Nana, I think she's dead." "Grandpa died yesterday." ... Read More

Adapting to the Loss of a Loved One: Three Tips on how to Cope

Have you ever sat down and played a piano where one of the keys wasn't... Read More

Beyond A Mothers Nightmare To Radical Forgiveness

It was a moment I will never forget.On February 22, 2003, I was visiting with... Read More

Moving Beyond Grief and Loss

In my work as a coach and therapist, I have seen many clients dealing with... Read More

Pet Loss: Significant and Profound Loss or Much Ado about Nothing?

For those who have deeply loved and lost their animal companions, the answer is obvious... Read More

A Critical Assessment of Euthanasia

The question of whether, say, a man should have the right to take away his... Read More

Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide

Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so horrible that you would prefer... Read More

If Ever It Is Me

With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't... Read More

The Twists and Turns of Life

When I was born in 1962 I thought life was good. I had two parents,... Read More

Handicapped From Suicide

I am 23 years old. I come from a large family. I have 2 brothers... Read More

Grief Support: The Don?ts

1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. For many grievers... Read More

On Empathy

The Encyclopaedia Britannica (1999 edition) defines empathy as:"The ability to imagine oneself in anther's place... Read More

An Unexpected Letter

It was a couple of weeks after Christmas, and I was standing by my mailbox... Read More

We are the Reflection of our Lives: How to Survive Loss & Humility

Everyday, I look in the mirror to see the face staring back at me. Sometimes... Read More

GoodBye GrandMa

My dearest Grandma, I will never forget you & sorry that I was not there... Read More

Are We All Losers? Understanding Grief

The well-known pioneer researcher Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified five states through which the dying patient... Read More

Death Poem

During the two years of my husband's terminal illness, death was never far from my... Read More

Online Monument ? An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones

Memories are never to be buried along with the loss of our very loved ones.... Read More

How to Deal with Suffering

Reflect upon the following questions, and answer those you feel might be most important for... Read More

Do You Know Someone Whos Dying?

Too many people are dying alone?The dying are one of society's most unrecognized and under-served... Read More

Tenderizing

Recently, the magazine I own and edit got a hate letter that was so full... Read More

Suicide in the Church Part 2

In a town the size of mine - about 16,000 - can a few suicides... Read More

Silent Tears - from a Norwegian Hospital

Silent tears hit hospital-white sheets. The young Pakistani mother holds the mask that brings moisture,... Read More

How to Turn Grief into Joy

I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy... Read More

Suicide - An Eternal Pain

Suicide is the one form of death that has quite a stigma attached to it.... Read More

How To Heal Your Heart

We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it... Read More

How Long Does It Take to Mend a Broken Heart?

Julian Austin, Canadian country singer, released a song called Should Be Over You. He sings,... Read More

Miracles?

If we were to organize a list of the thorniest problems for the bereaved, certainly... Read More

Death of a Parent: Saying Good-Bye to Mommy or Daddy

Coping with the death of a loved one is never easy, regardless of how old... Read More

And You Always Will

I opened the dishtowel drawer for about the sixth time, hoping the towels had somehow... Read More

Physiological Consequences of Carrying Emotional Trauma

Although many of us carry some form of emotional trauma in our bodies, and therefore... Read More

When Change Comes (Dealing With Grief and Loss)

Needless to say, the time after loss is volatile and confusing for most people. Unresolved... Read More

Understanding Grief and Loss in Times of War and Disaster

There are many different kinds of losses we can experience in our lives. Indeed, loss... Read More

Whats It All About?

For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence - and when I say ordinary... Read More

Anticipatory Grief and Ongoing Sadness for Caregivers

In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross published her famous book; On Death and Dying and later... Read More

In the Blink of an Eye

Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed,... Read More

Watching Death

Like it or not, we think in line with our customs and tradition often times,... Read More

Scared to Death of Dying and Denying Grief

When I invited Martha to the gathering at my house, she accepted the invitation cheerfully.... Read More

After Suicide: Returning to Life, Thanks to an Owl

Have you ever lost the ability to laugh? I did.When Arlyn died, I knew I... Read More