Love Eluding You? Let Go and It May Find You

How many times have you heard someone say it was when they weren't looking for love that they found it? Often they'll say, "I had just accepted the possibility that I may not find someone and realized that I'd be ok." Or, "It's ok if I'm single for the rest of my life."

It's a paradox. We're taught to focus on what we want and to take action until we reach our target. Yet if we focus or hold on too tight to the target, it eludes our grasp and gets further and further away.

What's a single gal or guy to do?

I needed an answer so I called relationship coach Karen Jones. I figured if anyone knew the answer she would.

Karen has been working with and listening to hundreds of single and married women for eight years through her 'Heart Matters' (http://www.heartmatter.net) coaching company. When I asked her for an explanation of this paradox she explained it like this:

"Think of it in terms of energy. There is a flow to it; the more attached you are to an outcome, the more you squeeze the flow, and you either slow it down, divert it, or simply shut if off. I like to use the imagery of being in the shower, and grabbing a bar of soap. If you squeeze too hard the soap jumps out of your hand. It's like that with relationships. If you squeeze too hard around relationship energy it becomes too hard to hold. Loosen your grip, and the soap (relationship) is there."

She then went on to explain the solution.

"You have to decide you're just going to be happy in life, no matter what. Make your life work now. Do what you love to do, and spend time in ways that fulfill you. One indirect benefit of that decision (and way of being), is this: that energy is very attractive. You're doing things that interest you, which will create opportunities for you to meet people that you enjoy; men as well as women who'd be good to spend time with.

Just to clarify. This doesn't mean you give up on your vision of having a happy, successful marriage. You need to keep that dream alive in your heart. It does mean you let go of the specific details you have pictured in your mind about your dream. For example: your husband will be 6'2" tall and have blue eyes and blond hair, you'll have 2 kids - a twin boy and girl, and your house will be in this city on this street etc. Trust that your vision will unfold and that it may look very different from your picture. In fact, it's often better than what you could have possibly imagined."

It's like this invisible fine-line exists. While you need to clearly see and know what you want and take action to make your intention a reality, at the same time you have to be ok if you don't get it. Expect to get it yet don't be attached to getting the outcome. If you find yourself holding on too tight, just let go and enjoy life. Love may find you.

Sue Bond shares dating stories, tips, dating site reviews, and news on what works and doesn't work in the world of online dating on her online dating site. Check out the blog!

For women who want to have the relationship of their dreams, visit Karen Jones at http://www.heartmatter.net

The Dating Game

Why is it some people look at dating as a game while other look at... Read More

Married and Unhappy ...

Married women need to feel Love and Married men need to be desired by their... Read More

Bachelor Dream

Step aside Hugh Hefner. Elvis King is back in the building.Bachelors, remember the guy in... Read More

Looks or Heart?

No matter how you want to spin it, beautiful people are just that, beautiful. However,... Read More

Win Her Heart With Romantic Gift Ideas

Does your significant other cry at goofy commercials? Does she beg you to take her... Read More

Best Places to go on a Date

Does the waiter know how you like your steak, and more about your love life... Read More

Great Tips For A Safe Online Dating Experience

Dating can be scary no matter how or where you meet. Maybe he hasn't shaved... Read More

Fatal Flaws- How to Have a Happy Relationship and Keep Your Values Intact

If you are knee deep in trying to find a relationship, maintain or sustain a... Read More

How to Carry Yourself With the Body Language of an Alpha Male

Watch Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or any other man with high status and you'll notice... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men - How To Make Your Dates Effective And Unforgettable

You are on the first date with a girl you have a crush on. Your... Read More

Defining a Relationship

How does one know when a relationship is really a relationship? Very good question for... Read More

Finding a Safe Dating Site

Seems like everywhere we surf on the Internet nowadays we run across this little advertisement:... Read More

Mike?s Dating Story

(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men Part 2 - Your Looks DO Matter

When it comes to the topic of looks with women, most guys are usually clueless... Read More

How To Repel The Opposite Sex

There is a war between the sexes. This war is based on a misunderstanding. The... Read More

Love Could Be An Errand Away

You have signed up on several large dating sites and posted a great profile. So... Read More

Internet Dating for Men

Over the past several years online dating has become very popular. Many men try this... Read More

Lonely Expats Looking for Valentines Love

Being an expat in a foreign country where you don't speak the language is hard... Read More

Single Women Are Hot

Just when businesses and advertisers think they have women all figured out enters a new... Read More

Do Men Want Classy Women?

Ladies, this one is for you. Your mother always told you "Don't give away the... Read More

How a Blind Date Can Increase Your Psychic Abilities

So how can a blind date increase your psychic abilities? It's probably not what you're... Read More

Instant Dating Strategies Anyone Can Use

Most of us walk around caught up in our own thoughts. We don't look at... Read More

Avoiding the Grand Manipulator

Let's face it...some women can be ruthless. There are certain women in the world men... Read More

How to Get a Girl to Like You

We've all had that special woman in our lives. You know... the one with the... Read More

10 Keys to Getting Along With Single Women For Successful Dating, Seduction

1. When with a woman on a date, under no circumstances whatsoever, look at and... Read More

3 Easy Steps To Online Dating Success

We all know that online dating will help you to make new friends and meet... Read More

How to Get More Responses at Online Dating Sites

So, you've decided to join a dating website. You're hoping someone out there will find... Read More

Quality Adult Personals

Quality adult personals are becoming harder to find these days. The recent growth in the... Read More

You Dont Have To Be A Genius To Write A Love Poem

Love poems are a wonderfully romantic gesture and can often express your thoughts far more... Read More

Saying What You Really Want To Say

Have you ever been talking to someone you are interested in dating and wished you... Read More

The Language and Meaning of Flowers

Sweet flowers alone can say what passion fears revealing Thomas Hood poem, The Language of... Read More

Reading People: Body Language Briefing

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the "unspoken" language. Surprisingly, studies show... Read More

Revealed: What Women Want When It Comes to a Guys Looks

As part of my research for a guide to style, I put together a focus... Read More

When Should You Give Up on Chasing a Woman?

This week I want to discuss chasing women, or rather I should say, when is... Read More

Conversation Starters Can Save Your First Date

Conversation starters can literally save your life on a first date.Why?Well, as you know, going... Read More

How to Finally Approach the Women You Lust for

We've all been there. You have been meeting her accidentally in the hall for a... Read More

Dating Advice! Where Safety Always Comes First

Dating advice for people dating online, where safe dating will always be a priority!For many... Read More

Building Self Confidence

The building of self-confidence is not difficult, but it requires patience and intelligent effort. There... Read More

Six Things Every Christian Single Should Know Before Dating Online (Part Two)

In part one, we looked at the importance of remaining anonymous, why you should always... Read More

Asian Dating - Respect and Honour

Honour and respect are two of the most important elements in Asian culture, and they... Read More

Still Single for the Holidays? Lucky You!

Oh, no! Christmas, Hanukah, and New Year's Eve are coming, and you're still not dating... Read More

Oops, I Did It Again

Oops! I did it again!So you are licking your wounds. Your relationship came to a... Read More

Dating in the New Millenium

Over the past 20 years the face of dating has gone through some noticeable changes.... Read More

7 Tips to Dating Online in Safety

Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So let's first get it into... Read More

The Right Dating Strategy

So, you have decided to do it. Get out there to the cyber space and... Read More

Hot Women And Eye Contact

For a while now I've been wondering why some women always make eye contact and... Read More

How To Find A Dating Web Site That Is Right For You Today Starting From Scratch

So at last you're sick and tired of the bar scene, and now you want... Read More

Dating Tips: Work on The Similarities

What is it that makes you attracted to someone? The look? The character? The way... Read More

What Appeals To Women About Badboys

What is it about the attraction of Bad Boys?A lot of women have said they... Read More

Online Dating Tips ? Creating Personal Ads

Creating a personal ad for online dating services is not difficult, but how well you... Read More