e-Matchmaking: Can a Computer Program Find Love For You?

I logged on to a dating site the other day and was greeted by a large, flashing message. It promised that if I took the time to answer a series of questions that they would find a "perfect match" for me. Imagine that? All the work and worry of being single - gone! We truly have evolved! Not only can computer programs manage the entire traffic system of a city and make chess grandmasters cry, but now they can lead my perfect match right to my doorstep. I always wanted a Stepford wife, I hope it comes assembled.

The recent trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a "computer personality test" of some sort. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a "top psychologist", have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Don't worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure you out! In fact, when you're done, this computer program will know your needs and desires better than you do.

Remember the Broadway play "Fiddler on The Roof"? You might not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my head for some reason was "matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match?" The song starts as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; someone beautiful, rich, intelligent, and perfect.

But by the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker might not be up to the task. She decides that "playing with matches, a girl can get burned".

So, do these tests really work?

Personality tests have a long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological theories, and these theories are used as the basis for all types of tests. "The Big Five" theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a foundation. Others go the "Big Three" route, which does away with the "openness" and "agreeableness" dimensions - mostly because it's easier to remember.

I joke a little about these theories, but the truth is that they've survived the test of time and there is a ton of scientific research behind them. The real question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the additional layer of meshing your answers with another, equally complex person. That's a tall order.

People have impulsive behavior that simply can't be measured when they're sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking one of these tests. Often our answers reflect our perfect (or hopeful) idea of ourselves. Even if we are trying our best to be honest, our impulsive behavior in real-life situations can be far different than we'd expect.

Another wildcard is attraction. We can meet someone who's empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is kind and successful ? and yet we're not attracted. Often we can't explain why we like another person. It may be how they make us laugh, a crooked smile ? even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable on their own can collectively make us attracted.

Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complex, and a computer program can't solve the riddles of our romantic lives. As Jung put it, "the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; if there is a reaction both are transformed". It sounds good, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What will cause two individuals to react to each other? Even the developers of the study of personality would not presume that a series of questions could predict romance.

If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you are missing the entire beauty of online dating. The beauty is opportunity. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new people. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that isn't trying to sell you fantasy of finding your match for you will mean you will have a pool of millions of singles to meet.

Treat matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can serve as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but don't expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a unique individual, only can you know what works for you. You need to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both online and offline dating skills is the best way to find the right relationship.

Next time you're brushing your teeth, take a look in the mirror. See that amazing person? That's your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take charge of your life and get into action! Enjoy dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are essential to finding the right person for you.

Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") is a Relationship Coach, Life-Coach, radio host, columnist, and the developer of ToolsToLife.com. . His new program OnlineDatingKit.com teaches Internet daters the skills they need to find their perfect matches on their own.

Objections Are Signs Somebody Is Interested

The fact is, most people think they handle objections with ease. The reality paints a... Read More

Conversation Starters Can Save Your First Date

Conversation starters can literally save your life on a first date.Why?Well, as you know, going... Read More

The Dating Game

Now you all know I have become a bit cynical in regards to dating lately.... Read More

How To Choose a Dating Service

There are so many dating sites out there, hundreds if not thousands, how do you... Read More

Web Cams: Windows on the World

The webcam has brought a truly amazing variety of experience to the desktop user giving... Read More

7 Habits of Highly Successful Dating

1) Don't look at other womenWhile dating, focus your attention on your date and make... Read More

Help! Im Single for the First Time in Years!

You're back on the dating scene. But you're worried as it's been a long time... Read More

Online Dating ? How To Avoid Faked Photos

One of the great things about online dating is the ability to read the profiles... Read More

Online Dating - Top Tips for Success!

A few months ago I became single again after a long-term relationship, and decided to... Read More

Online Dating

The online dating world today can be a confusing place to be. As more people... Read More

Change Your Body Language to Be Relaxed When Approaching Somebody New

Get a Girl To Seduce You By Changing Your Body Language.Your attitude and confidence are... Read More

How to Get the Girl You Want: The Attraction Killer to Avoid and Some Strategies for Success

It's one of the supreme tragedies in life. When there's just one girl you want,... Read More

Dating Tips that Work- Which of the Three Types of Women Should You be Dating?

When most "dating gurus" and sex therapists spout their dating tips, they often complicate the... Read More

How a Blind Date Can Increase Your Psychic Abilities

So how can a blind date increase your psychic abilities? It's probably not what you're... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Ready for Dating

1) So what's it gonna be?Decide on your attitude ? a positive attitude can make... Read More

What Do You Do on Valentines Day When You Have 1000 Girlfriends!

Valentine's Day was initially an outgrowth of an ancient Roman festival honoring the goddess Juno,... Read More

Life isnt Sex and the City

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a Sex and the City episode, in which... Read More

Dating at Midlife: Whats First?

More American women over 45 are single, than ever before. According to the latest population... Read More

Seduction Secrets For Men Part 2 - Your Looks DO Matter

When it comes to the topic of looks with women, most guys are usually clueless... Read More

The Freedom to Exist

This article will seem like just good old plain common sense. Yet, most people in... Read More

Use The Power of Focus When You Want To Get A Date

The Importance of FocusPeople are always looking for ways to win over somebody they are... Read More

How To Approach Women

Now, let's start at the very beginning, what's the first thing you have to do... Read More

Pick-Up Lines That Work

Most pick-up lines don't work because they are trite, cheesy, and closed-ended statements. Others don't... Read More

It Pays For Single Christians To Date Other Like-Minded People

Searching for the perfect mate can be one of life's greatest challenges.Afterall, forever is a... Read More

Christian Dating Service and Dating Services

A Christian dating service can help single Christians meet one another and find companionship that... Read More

Mens Guide To Online Dating Success. Secret Seduction Tips Revealed!

Looking To Meet Women? Craving Female Company?Well, you've come to the right place! The internet... Read More

10 Keys to Getting Along With Single Women For Successful Dating, Seduction

1. When with a woman on a date, under no circumstances whatsoever, look at and... Read More

Meeting Other Singles By Doing Something You Love

Meet Other Singles by Doing Something You LoveHere's one the best ways I have found... Read More

Instant Dating Strategies Anyone Can Use

Most of us walk around caught up in our own thoughts. We don't look at... Read More

Dating Tips - Prepare To Impress

At first dating is fun but as you go on it's so easy to fall... Read More

Bachelor Dream

Step aside Hugh Hefner. Elvis King is back in the building.Bachelors, remember the guy in... Read More

Does the Free Basic Membership Find You A Date?

When it comes to online dating many people think that by signing up for just... Read More

The Avenger v/s The Angel

I'm writing this for women and for men. I have to share this with you... Read More

Dating Advice for Those Just Getting Back on the Dating Wagon!

Dating is a daunting prospect, especially for those who've been off the circuit for a... Read More

Why Date Online?

More and more people in the UK are turning to the internet to find a... Read More

Quality Adult Personals

Quality adult personals are becoming harder to find these days. The recent growth in the... Read More

Finding Compatible E-Dates

In the world of online dating misrepresentation is at an all time high. Janice, a... Read More

Dating Online in Safety

Dating online can be great fun, stimulating and exciting. So let's first get it into... Read More

First Date ? Tips for Women

You are on your way to your first date with him. Probably a blind date.... Read More

Dating in a Modern World

As the UK Online Dating market keeps on growing day by day, there is more... Read More

Reading People: Body Language Briefing

Body language is the meaning behind the words or the "unspoken" language. Surprisingly, studies show... Read More

Mike?s Dating Story

(Black Couch Tales)Mike was completely stressed when he walked into my office last week. Taking... Read More

Gay Dating Tactics: Your First-Date Dos & Donts

IntroductionNothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going... Read More

Do You Desire Love and Marriage? How Should You Prepare Yourself?

The rate of new love and marriages is rising as fast as the divorce rate.... Read More

8 Minute Dating - For Singles with No Time for Small Talk

You will get to a certain age where, no matter what city code you live... Read More

Tips For Becoming Fluent In The Non-Verbal Language Of Dating

We are all too familiar with the term "body language". There have been ... Read More

Saying What You Really Want To Say

Have you ever been talking to someone you are interested in dating and wished you... Read More

Dating Tool: Confidence 101

I'm over it. "There's plenty of fish in the sea," they say. Well, apparently I... Read More

Great Tips For A Safe Online Dating Experience

Dating can be scary no matter how or where you meet. Maybe he hasn't shaved... Read More

Online Dating, Why Not?

So, you're looking to meet that "special someone". You have tried the bars, blind dates,... Read More